Chew Chew Chew

 

It’s a struggle. There’s no doubt about it. Losing weight when you’re already average, eat well (most of the time) and workout consistently is a challenge. I’ve noticed a few things in the last few days where I have not journaled. I start off the day great. Small and healthy breakfast. I’m off to class and come back for lunch where I’m starved. I eat a healthy lunch but then my mind wants more. It’s not that I’m hungry. Actually, I’m very full. But I just want the taste, the texture.. Soon I’ll hit the gym- it’s around 5:45 and I’ll get home at 9. THEN I EAT. I eat I eat I eat. On nights where I’m with friends, especially smoking- don’t get me started. (Twix, Chex, GoldenGrahams, Leftover Burritos, DriedApple, RealApple, Weird combinations of sauces, SALSA, chipchipchips)

This has been consistent. And I know now that this routine needs to change. A helpful tip I received from a friend who has lost lots of weight and has maintained it for years is GUM. She said it saves her. There’s no doubt I need to invest in this as hunger is never the issue, but rather mindless eating. 

Next, is distractions. Keeping busy really will help me eat less. I can always be doing something. Especially because my home is based around the kitchen- I find myself snacking more and more. It’s difficult because studies have proven that eating with people makes you eat more, and that’s something I definitely embrace. This means going out to eat less and really be aware of what and how you eat.

For a moment here I thought this is ridiculous, so much work… blah blah blah. I don’t have to do this. No one is forcing me. But really it comes down to 

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT. 

I think this whole losing weight thing hasn’t really been about appearance  but rather something that I can conquer, a challenge that I can work towards. I’m tired of giving up, giving in, and just letting go. I will do this and will do it alone. 

This leaves me with the last area that I must focus on. Exercise. Basic knowledge of weightloss is burning more than you consume. Let’s face it, I won’t be eating less than 1000 a day, so what does this mean? More exercise. This doesn’t mean running for hours but what it does mean is staying active. Moving moving moving. Need to read? Read on a bike. Standing around the house? Go walk the dog. Every moment can be used to further your goal. Any goal. Learning to play an instrument, finishing a book, or losing weight. This way, it won’t be about “not eating” or “dieting” but rather a healthy weight loss that relies on calories and nutrition. Si se puede! And I’m off goodnight!

 

 

Day 3ish (Really 4): Thank God I Can Be Saved

Has it really been three days? I started the 3rd and today is the 6th. Ah I guess I did skip a day but its safe to say that I earned it. Anywho. I’ve gotten better. MUCH better. Those insane amounts of cereal, lava cake, TWIX (don’t even like twix) all were not me, it was due to what I shall call my menstrual menace that just began yesterday. Woohoo! I thought I was going insane, especially since my weight shot up 7 freakin pounds.

Yesterday I was decently good. Good in the way that I ate well, not that I ate moderately- we’ll save that for today.. Vegetables, Chicken, more tasty tasty veggies. Oh yeah only ONE bowl of cereal which ended any trace of cereal or vanilla almond milk in my home. The only no-no was me discreetly picking out almost all of the m&m’s out of the big bowl of trail mix at my friends house (which I did get called out for). I got home at 2, and DIDNT EAT. When I was in bed there was a feeling of relief, that I can really do this. This morning what did I do? Woke up at 8 and hit the gym for a cycling class followed by an awesome dance class then some pilates. I have transcended that feeling I get when I eat well and maximized it by 100. Now there won’t be those regrets but rather some assurance than I am on the right track. Exercise is really key to any type of positive progress. Mood, physical well-being, and aesthetics. There is something about leaving the gym after you’ve showered into the car knowing that you did some great work. Your body thanks you through out the day as you’re more up and awake and more cautious of putting junk down your throat.

All I am really is grateful that it’s 3pm and I haven’t had any excessive amounts of sweets and processed foods. THANK GOD! I CAN BE SAVED. Now for some cashews…

Day 2 Star Sprangled Hammered / “Food are my cigarettes”

Alright. It was a bad day agan– eating wise. Didn’t help that I was pounding shots of vodka at 11:30 am. But honestly it’s okay. I controlled it as much as I could (which is INCREDIBLE for being far from sober) but also learned quite a few things along the way. Last night I realized something. It comes off stupid and as a fallacy but i’ll just say it- Food are my ciggarettes. It’s something to do with your hands. Something to chew and think about as you listen to something pointless. It’s really what you do when your bored. This presents a few concerns to my own well-being. Am I bored? Am I not doing all I can with my time? Should I be more engaged? or is it just my generations mentality where we move on from thing to thing instantly, where we always need to be occupied. It’s the reason we all resort to study drugs– we can focus. Switching songs, radio channels, TV especially. Not to mention that food is honestly GREAT.

Last night was bad. REALLY bad. We can say that last post of 5 bowls of cereal didn’t end there… to say the least. A credit card at 7-11 at 3 in the morning drunk and high off your ass.. never a good sign- especially if health is a concern. I woke up, again feeling like shit. But I did something about it this time. It’s the fourth of July, a wonderful time to celebrate our beautiful country.. but I started off right. Went straight to the gym, and went to a lovely cycling class burning around 700 calories (says that monitor that I’m skeptical of..) It was fitness, it was a start. As the alcohol entered my bloodstream and my moral compass started to disappear it may have not been as great.. but still a start! An improvement than yesterday. As the day went on I made some questionable choices in regards to my health, sanity, and aesthetics. However, I did enjoy a lovely dinner with some friends from high school. One who has been hospitalized for his meningitis, a disease that killed one of our classmates just a year ago. I shared a meal with him, and a lovely one. I stayed away from the beer, but helped myself to the dessert.. many times (home made lava caaaaaakkkkeeeeee/tri-tip/cesearsalad/veggies/corn/chicken/MORECAKE).

I did get some fitness in at night as well. Instead of driving to the party we walked a whole 2.3 miles. Not a lot, but was a safe choice for us drunk idiots and again, its movement! Right now I have managed to get myself home safe and sound. What’s even more awesome about it? There isn’t any snacks or bowls of cereal on my night stand (or in my bed.. eeek). Haven’t touched a single thing in the fridge. It’s a start. And it’s a darn good one. One step at a time, and it starts with nights like these. PEACE

Day 1(.5) Still. 5 Bowls.. of Cereal

Seriously! What! The day isn’t even finished and I have to hop back on the laptop to save my soul. I’m not sure what it is, our culture, it’s presence, but I feel that we eat because it’s just THERE. We aren’t hungry, we are definitely not starving, what are we? Maybe it’s boredom. Maybe it just feels good. or maybe we’re after that taste and texture in our mouths. I think the way to begin is to keep track. I know people say count calories and keep journals (hah) but I think what’s needed is a schedule. Call me a list person or whatever, but that’s my only option of saving myself. Why would I need to count calories today when I know it’s already exceeded!

The mid-day post was much needed– because everyone knows consuming 3000 calories is better done in the morning than at midnight. WHICH WILL NOT HAPPEN TONIGHT. Letzgo.

Day 1- Good morning, I’m filled with regrets.

I wake up with a full stomach. Never EVER a good sign. Food. Possibly the best and worst thing that’s happened to me. Before I begin, no I am not anorexic, no I am not obese, no no no. Who I am is a young 19 year old girl, who will be graduating college in about a year. All I want is to be healthy, fit, and you named it thin. However with this whole fat loss process comes a whole lot of craziness that I no longer can organize in my head. Back and forth back and forth I fight on how badly I want this. One thing stays the same– regrets. It’s time I stick to something and follow through. Tough it out and don’t back down. 

 

Yesterday, I probably consumed 4000 calories in sweets and processed foods. Chocolate almond crossiants, 4 bowls of cereal (I hate cereal), 20 of those dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds, handfuls of cashews, a quarter of a giant bag of tostidos flavored with lime, dark chocolate almond clusters, 3 scoops of cookie-dough ice cream, more chips, and the final thing that put me straight to sleep, pistachio ice cream. 

 

I think its safe to say that I was never hungry. Half of this was eaten when I was completely sober as well. The rest– well– you can say that the munchies are no joke. 

It’s time to end this. It’s time for weight loss. What’s my goal? 120 pounds. No this will not happen in a week, no it will not happen in a month. But it’s what I will strive for until the next year. What I’m at now? 130-132? Even if it’s not pounds, all I want to drop is a size. And like most ladies, it’s from the same place– dem thighZ. Jiggly thighs get the guys– but that’s not what I’m trying to do. What I want is control. Control of my mind and my body. I can’t act impulsively and only be unhappy with my actions. I’m tired of regrets. Tired of thinking that I’m not strong enough for any of this. The thing is, I’m so close. I’ve got it in me, I know what I need to do, and have done it. All it begins with is that power within me to say NO and to keep moving. It’s time and we begin today. July 3.

-L