I wake up with a full stomach. Never EVER a good sign. Food. Possibly the best and worst thing that’s happened to me. Before I begin, no I am not anorexic, no I am not obese, no no no. Who I am is a young 19 year old girl, who will be graduating college in about a year. All I want is to be healthy, fit, and you named it thin. However with this whole fat loss process comes a whole lot of craziness that I no longer can organize in my head. Back and forth back and forth I fight on how badly I want this. One thing stays the same– regrets. It’s time I stick to something and follow through. Tough it out and don’t back down.
Yesterday, I probably consumed 4000 calories in sweets and processed foods. Chocolate almond crossiants, 4 bowls of cereal (I hate cereal), 20 of those dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds, handfuls of cashews, a quarter of a giant bag of tostidos flavored with lime, dark chocolate almond clusters, 3 scoops of cookie-dough ice cream, more chips, and the final thing that put me straight to sleep, pistachio ice cream.
I think its safe to say that I was never hungry. Half of this was eaten when I was completely sober as well. The rest– well– you can say that the munchies are no joke.
It’s time to end this. It’s time for weight loss. What’s my goal? 120 pounds. No this will not happen in a week, no it will not happen in a month. But it’s what I will strive for until the next year. What I’m at now? 130-132? Even if it’s not pounds, all I want to drop is a size. And like most ladies, it’s from the same place– dem thighZ. Jiggly thighs get the guys– but that’s not what I’m trying to do. What I want is control. Control of my mind and my body. I can’t act impulsively and only be unhappy with my actions. I’m tired of regrets. Tired of thinking that I’m not strong enough for any of this. The thing is, I’m so close. I’ve got it in me, I know what I need to do, and have done it. All it begins with is that power within me to say NO and to keep moving. It’s time and we begin today. July 3.
-L
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